my word of the year was…

trust.

“For we live by faith, not by sight.” – 2 Corinthians 5:7

Around a year ago, I decided to hop on the trend of picking a word of the year for myself to cling onto for the next twelve months. Similar to those new years resolutions where you challenge yourself to read 52 books in a year or actually get an ample amount of sleep that time around, picking a word to prayerfully chase after proved to be quite the looming task. But wow did the Lord so carefully and beautifully teach me a whole lot about it. It came to me where most things usually do: on the road. I was driving back to the ville after spending a fun weekend away in Savannah, GA where I didn’t have much time to journal my thoughts for a pretty big year ahead. So, I resorted to recording a voice memo to my future self.

“…here’s what I feel like He’s gonna teach me this year. We’ll see if by the end of it, I’ve understood it or learned it… but, I think my word of the year is going to be trust.”

The rest of that drive home was defined by so many feelings I hadn’t had felt so strongly before. I sat in front of a year where I would become a college senior and start answering questions about post-grad. One where I had to figure out if I was going to apply to grad school and decide if I was actually going to move my life halfway across the world in the spring or not. I remember laughing at how these were the very days I made countdowns for, yet here I was dreading them all. That stage of life where adulthood starts to become the most real was not something I was ready to leave my 10:30-7 class schedule for quite yet. I just felt so overcome with fear of the unknown: a place I would normally encourage friends to embrace, because that’s almost always where I’ve seen the Lord show up in. But for some reason, I couldn’t shake my doubts about me getting through it. However, He proved me wrong as always, as I watched Him slowly speak to every little thing on that list and more, revealing even more of His patience, His friendship, and His tender care for us. Here’s a little bit of what I learned.

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He is our loving Father.

Something I think most of us can admit we struggle the most with is that never-ending desire to keep our life under our own control. It’s so funny to me how many times I can truly convince myself that I’ve handled it and nothing can ruin my perfectly laid out plans. It reminds me of high school me, having this picture perfect plan to go to film school and then move to a big city (or go to FSU…). But I became a gator instead, and chose architecture. Recently, I had to get my phone screen fixed more than once over a span of two weeks because I am that clumsy. I think one of the habits I need to practice in 2022 is putting my phone away before I try to unlock the door carrying in all of my groceries in one trip. The second time I dropped my phone, it fell at a part of the screen that made the entire top half unable to detect touch, making it impossible to watch anyone’s instagram stories or post my own. But most importantly, I couldn’t upload new posts on my business page when they needed to go up. My phone stopped working at night, so I had to wait until all the repair shops opened in the morning, feeling helpless. I genuinely felt like my life was put on hold all because I couldn’t finish my to-do list for only a handful of hours… My eyes were opened to the ways I respond when things wouldn’t go my way.

I was always absolutely ruined when plans shifted or I didn’t reach a specific goal because of how many expectations I held for myself to feel content or live up to unrealistic standards. In the grand scheme of things, I hated having to wait to see what the Lord had for me in the next season or watch His plan unfold. I always wanted to know what was coming. But one day, the Lord’s prayer came to mind.

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name; thy kingdom come; thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread;…

First thing I’m reminded of through these lines is that I am a daughter of the King. A King who is a good good Father that knows what’s best for us, giving us what we need, not always what we want. It can be so hard to want to listen to God when He tells you to let go of something you’ve been holding onto for the longest. Or when He tells you not walk through that open door. I’m slowly making it through this book called When Strivings Cease by Ruth Chou Simons where she says, “idolatry is treasuring something or someone so much you’re willing to do things your way instead of God’s to possess it.” I can so easily fall into this very trap because of my desire to paint the canvas of my own life. But how many times have I obeyed His voice and ended up better off than expected? I’m still learning how to constantly zoom out and recognize that He sees way more than I do. How freeing is it knowing that He knows so much more than we do and wants what’s good for us.

Something else the Lord’s prayer helped me process during my sophomore year of busyness was the way we are to pray for our daily bread. Daily. It reminds me of when the Israelites had to be wise with dealing with the manna they were given each morning, because it was only enough for that day. God gave them exactly what they needed for each day. This goes for us too. It’s probably one of the easiest things to worry about everything outside of the 24 hours in front of us. But even in moments this year where I felt like I had nothing I wanted, I still had a God that cared for me enough to provide what I needed. And that is a reality I will never get over.

The road to contentment is one that is paved with our willing trust in a caring Father.

He is our Friend.

One of my actual new years resolutions for 2021 was “get on your knees more often.” (aka, pray more) Because I’m such a verbal processor, I wanted to challenge myself to go to God before I go to a friend, and I’ve gained so much because of it. There’s something about prayer that makes me view Him as a friend more than ever. He’s a kind of friend who will never get tired of hearing about your dreams, despairs, and triumphs. A friend who, you can confidently know, listens. Everytime I started to feel like life was out of control, I got on my knees again. The redundancy of that routine reminded me of every other time I had been at the foot of my bed, making me more and more confident that God would do something about it. Some prayers took 3 years to see change, others 24 hours. Some, I still have yet to see answered. And although I can’t promise myself that He will answer them, I know I can trust my God because He can. He is more than able.

Back in August, I went on my campus ministry’s leader’s retreat where we stayed at a beach for the weekend. At one point, mid-volleyball tournament, half of us were running back inside because a storm showed up out of nowhere, while the other half of us ran right into the waves. It was a heaven on earth kind of moment, one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever experienced. Half of me was getting rained on, while the other half was dry. The colors in the sky were reminiscent of a Wes Anderson film. I could never stand still because the waves were literally tossing us everywhere, but as I attempted to stand my ground, I could admire rainbows behind us and the clouds parting before us, revealing what was left of the sun setting. That exact picture is how my year felt. I can’t remember a time where life felt perfectly still, without a storm on the horizon; but I always found the beauty in it all because my God wasn’t too far from view. It’s when I’m in a storm that I am able to discover and rediscover the beauty of Jesus. He’s the eye of the hurricane. He sees every tear and hears every prayer. I can know what trust feels like because there’s never been a time He hasn’t been there.

“Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you.” Jeremiah 9:12

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I once heard this analogy in a podcast and it’s stuck with me ever since. Life with Jesus can sometimes feel like sitting in one of those kiddie carts with the steering wheels. You as a child can turn the wheel all the way to the left, but the person controlling the cart is the only one who can make you actually go left. In college, I’ve sat before so many unknowns. Ones I had no other option but to let go of the wheel and shut my eyes as I waited on God to do His thing. But I’ve seen the other side enough times to actually believe I will be okay even when things don’t go my way. I’m learning what it feels like to genuinely be excited for what’s next. What’s pretty funny is that I outlined this blog post long before I knew the next thing on my agenda would be to get COVID the week I was supposed to fly out to Italy. Talk about wanting to turn the wheel to the left while God turned it all the way to the right. But I’ve already seen bits and pieces of Him using my extra time at home, and I write this with a heart full of gratitude.

“The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.” Proverbs 16:9

On the way to the Midwest, I woke up from a nap in the sky just in time to view the very beginnings of a glorious sunrise. It got me thinking about what life could look like if we just dozed off on trying so hard to cling to what we want for ourselves and made room for God to move. If we just let go, we just might be able to wake up to the beautiful sky He’s painted for us. Imagine how much more beautiful our lives could be if we maintained a posture of surrender. Imagine a life where we trusted God faster than we do now.

(sunrise not pictured haha)

So long story short, I did learn a little bit more about my word of the year. Currently in the process of choosing mine for 2022, but I’m sure whatever it is, the Lord will be faithful in teaching me all He needs to about it.

what’s in my journal: abroad

bits & pieces of my january quiet times.

February 1st was a weird day for me. I felt like every little thing I learned last month went down the drain. Not sure if you have ever felt that too? Having an entire journal filled with color coded notes from your whole year, and easily forgetting it all so long as you don’t choose to meditate on what you’ve learned from Him most recently. Being away from any community I’ve ever known has forced me to open up my quiet time notebook more often to constantly remind myself of the truths I discovered the morning before, since I don’t run into friends at Pascal’s on a Tuesday afternoon to talk all things Jesus quite as often. If we don’t constantly abide in His Word, it can be so easy to drown in our own thoughts or lies from the enemy. So if we want to live a life that glorifies Him through every ounce of our being, meditation on His truths is a non negotiable.

The enemy loves to make us forget what we should remember, and make us remember what we should forget.

david guzik

A psalm that really stuck out to me the beginning of this year and has shaped the ways I approach my mornings is Psalm 5.

“Oh Lord, in the morning you hear my voice; in the morning I prepare a sacrifice for you and watch.”

This is a morning prayer from David that lays out how we should approach the Lord in our quiet mornings, and a heart posture I’ve been trying to weave into my conversations with Him.

“I prepare a sacrifice for you and watch.” It means believing that He hears the prayers you speak most candidly to Him, and waiting patiently to see Him move in your everyday.

I have found that my days always take a turn once I choose to believe what God is telling me. I can so easily just read a promise of His and think, “wow that’s nice” and move on. It makes me think of those weekend conferences we all attend. You always feel like your cup is overflowing in a room full of like-minded people, but if you don’t allow what you absorbed during that jam packed weekend to sink in, it will all quickly fade into a distant memory. If it can take anywhere from 18 to 254 days to successfully develop a habit, imagine how many times we need to preach something to ourselves over and over to actually believe it.

Each time I approach an issue I’ve encountered in the past with an already known truth, I laugh thinking about how many times the Lord has had to teach me it. Just like you, I’ve also had handfuls of lessons I’ve had to learn over and over again. Ones I know I will have to continue to relearn. Tis the nature of our walk. I’m learning how to give myself grace as I’m constantly reminded how in need I am of Him.

The beauty that comes with all of this is the presence of such a patient Father. We are ones who are full of forgetfulness and look away from Him so often, yet He still chooses to walk with us. It’s really interesting seeing how many times God repeats His covenant to Abraham and Moses, “I will surely bless you and I will surely multiply your offspring.” (Genesis 22:17) Knowing how easily distracted we become, He still continues to give us grace every time we forget how big He is.

Worship music is always up there on my Spotify wrapped each year. I tend to always be swimming in my thoughts at all times of the day, questioning things and trying to make sense of the world around us. The older I’ve gotten, I’ve found myself just turning on worship songs as my background music to constantly have truths recited at me. I really have found a difference when I do this versus listening to my other music sometimes, as that path normally leads me down the road of discontentment, wanting a life that I don’t live at the time. It’s my subtle way of constantly running to the Father even in the moments where I’m not intentionally abiding. Here are some tunes that have helped quench my anxiety recently:

I’ll Give Thanks – Housefires

So I’ll give thanks to God

When I don’t have enough

‘Cause He’s more than enough

And He knows what I need

In the silence, I choose to believe

You’re working in the waiting

Though the future isn’t clear to me, no

I trust You anyway

Every breath I breathe, oh

Every breath I breathe an invitation

To believe You are creating something good

Palm of your Hand – Harvest

So I will stop and breathe

Rest here in Your goodness

I know You won’t leave

It’s my confidence

Even though I’ve heard it before

You’re taking it, taking it deeper, Lord

Here’s a collection of some promises I’m in the process of preaching to myself on a daily basis:

Psalm 27:1

“The Lord is my light and my salvation,

whom shall I fear?

The Lord is the stronghold of my life;

of whom shall I be afraid?”

Your light has already come. The glory of the Lord has risen upon you. That’s a promise! He is near each and everyday. Believe it!

Psalm 31:1

“In you, do i take refuge…”

To make something your refuge means to put your hope there. To rest. What a beautiful thing to know He is our refuge forever. Even when we feel like we have nothing, we still have Him to rest in.

Psalm 31:24

“Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who wait on the Lord.”

This one’s been a hard one for me to grasp. To lean into suffering or lack can be painful when you feel like God isn’t there. But how encouraging to know that He is always moving. If we are diligent in waiting on Him, we might just discover more of His beauty.

Psalm 32:10

“…steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord.”

God’s steadfast love SURROUNDS you. Believe it! Even on your hardest days this is true. Be glad and shout for joy! And if you can’t, ask the Lord to teach you how to.

Psalm 33:4

“For the Word of the Lord is upright and His work is done in faithfulness.”

Do you trust that He’s placed you where He needs you to be for now? Can you rest in knowing you are in the palm of His hand? How comforting is the reality that if we are in Him, we lack no good thing.

God’s promises are to be our pleas in prayer. For what He has promised, He is ABLE to perform. We must be encouraged to ask Him to. I challenge you to think deeper about the idea of waiting for God. It means attending to His providence, accommodating ourselves to it, and expecting to see how God will use it. Learn to fully embrace whatever God is allowing in your life at the time with expectancy to see Him use it. It feels like being stubborn enough to believe what He says about you is true even through insecurity. It feels like saying yes to a God-sized dream, trusting He has already prepared the way for you. It feels like doing things scared, knowing He’ll catch you when you fall. He has never wasted a trial in my life, whether it be a period of emotional exhaustion, family issues, seasons of discontentment. He uses it all. The good, the bad, everything.

May we start leaving space to breathe God’s love through every crack of our broken stories.

traveling first-class.

what God has taught me through my solo travels thus far.

Ciao, from a Starbucks in the Munich train station! Gratefully, I was blessed to travel to my new home for the semester around two weeks ago, after an unexpected extra week of winter break spent in my childhood home. For those of you that didn’t know, I caught COVID last second from my family during our time celebrating Christmas in Chicago. At the time, I was more than devastated knowing that I would be stuck in my half empty bedroom while I watched my friends travel together across the world without me. Feelings that mainly stemmed from reasons I had talked about in my last post, regarding my frustration when things don’t go my way. During that week, I was reminded of everything that 2021 had taught me about trust, and learned to fully embrace my extra time of rest with my family at the end of it all.

Then, I was off. Moving most of my belongings to an entirely new continent was not an endeavor I had imagined beginning by myself in any way. I had never taken a flight by myself, let alone an international one. That trip, however, alongside the one I’m in the midst of as I type, taught me more than I thought it would about how I walk through this life with Jesus by my side.

Solo travel is something that is simultaneously exhilarating and terrifying. You’re in a constant state of feeling like the world is your oyster, like you’re the main character in your own movie. On the flip side, however, the number of things that could go wrong are endless, especially when you have no cell service. The first leg of my journey spent in the airport was nothing out of the ordinary. I ended up gaining many friends along the way! One being a new guy friend from Naples, who helped carry my luggage and navigate to the train station once we landed in a place where my inability to read any signs was born.

Study abroad so far has been a dream: one of the shortest and truest responses I can share when friends ask me about my semester. Within my first few weeks, I have traveled to many Italian cities for field trips, somewhat adjusted to the culture here, and begun diving into our our daily classes studying the language, sketching, and designing new things in old spaces. As expected, it took a second to start to adjust to the language barrier, rich foods, and slower pace of living here in Italia, but it’s been a really sweet thing already feeling at home in a place I began my life in.

In between our 8-1 class schedule and meals at the student restaurant and cafes, I’ve had alot of room to dream about actually visiting places I never thought I would have the opportunity to, as well as space to reflect on life in general. I’ve heard before that traveling can be one of your greatest teachers, due to the ways it forces you completely out of your comfort zone, left to navigate the unknown: a reality of our lives that can be quieted when we are numbed by our mundane, as beautiful as it can be. Throw in solo adventures and that fact is magnified comprehensively. Something I had forgotten about, past the excitement of new cultures and experiences, however, was everything behind the scenes. With each travel weekend or field trip to a neighboring Italian city, comes genuine exhaustion. But all of that, I’ve found, is actually pertinent to the entire adventure! It’s been in those times that I have really been able to sit down and ponder it all.

One of those times was this past weekend! Our original class schedule involved a week long field trip to Barcelona, but because all of our professors happened to catch COVID at the same time, we were given a free travel weekend last second. I only began thinking about where I could possibly go that weekend a few days before my departure, one of the many factors that could have saved me some unfortunate events I encountered along the way. After trying to decide whether I should capitalize on 9 Euro plane tickets to Ireland or not, I chose a safer route after thinking about Italy’s COVID protocols on re-entry. Most of my friends were smart by choosing to travel within the country, but my stubborn self was adamant about going on a solo adventure to see my high school friend, Lizzie, in Germany. I heard that traveling by train holds less risk than flying does, so… last second, I booked 2 ten hour train rides through 3 countries I knew not that much about. One of my best ideas, haha.

I think the walk to the train station was when the reality of what I just did started to hit me. Fear sunk in, and my sequence of prayers for safety after every five minutes began. I felt the exact same feelings I did before I drove around the entire state of Florida my freshman summer to surprise most of my college friends, as I heard the same kinds of things from friends about my decision to go. My mentality when it comes to these kinds of things is “okay…but why not?”, which may not be wise, but I will say, I have gained some pretty impactful life lessons along the way! (don’t hear me saying follow my example though haha). I just had this strong confidence that the Lord would take care of me through every single step. I was able to have a 72-hour long conversation with God, between all of the almost empty train stations and being stranded on the streets of Austria. I don’t regret a single second of it.

Sitting on that first train, I was in heaven, doing my quiet time as I cruised past the Swiss Alps that sat only miles outside of my window. Everything was fine and dandy until the sun went down and we sat at this one stop longer than we had at any other. I remember an older gentleman board the train as an announcement was made in what I now know to be German, and immediately sigh, followed by the man next to me rubbing his head.

It took me a solid twenty minutes of trying to load my Google map to no avail, for me to ask him my favorite question, “Do you speak English??”

He then explained how our train was delayed a whole hour. It was during that hour that I really began to ask myself if this was worth it. All I could think about was how I prayed about if I should get on this train or not that very morning. We woke up to the school wifi not working for anyone, making class pretty hard to get through, also meaning I had no ability to update Lizzie about my late arrival that night nor load the maps of the countries I was about to travel through. Packing my backpack, I had a choice to make.

Should I blindly hop on this train I have a ticket for and just believe that I would make it home to Lizzie?… Or should I just stay in my hometown and rest?

Both options had pretty appealing factors.

I could stay comfortable in my own home and continue living my days as I always had, or I could jump on this train and partake in a crazy adventure that could bring me to a place I could call home.

Clearly, I chose the latter. My solo travel adventure showed me a picture of life as a whole. There were so many moments during that weekend that brought me so much joy: the beautiful train ride, trying new foods, spending quality time with a good friend! But there were also moments where I felt utter defeat and fear. Moments where I was about ready to give up. I was running through almost abandoned train stations at one a.m. in the middle of snowy Switzerland, without any means of contacting my friends if I was in danger. Being fully aware that I had class the next morning, I was told in Austria that I might be stuck there for the next five days because I didn’t have the correct forms to re-enter Italy. I accidentally ate things I was allergic to because I didn’t quite understand German, yet I still don’t regret my decision to go.

I think we can all agree that life is a constant cycle of the ups and downs. You will always have things that will bring you endless amounts of joy and you will always encounter trials so hard you will want to run away forever. The more you try to control aspects of your life, the easier it is to realize how out of control we actually are. I firmly believe one of the most important questions one could ask themself is what they think about when they think about God. It’s a question I think not alot of people realize the weight to. To some, it may just seem like a question they don’t necessarily need to answer, because they’ve lived a life that has felt comfortable and sufficient for what they’ve known up to this point. Answering that question means vulnerability, with uncomfortability to follow. Before choosing to follow Jesus, I felt these exact things. The life of a Christian from an outsider looked like a bunch of rules that sucked the fun out of life. I didn’t want to have to miss out on it all.

But one day, I was tired of accepting that this was all there was to life, and I decided to jump on that train. I just finished reading the book, When Strivings Cease, by Ruth Chou Simons. In it, she wrote this one thing that has stuck with me ever since: “the good life isn’t the absence of heartache. it’s the presence of God, by grace.” One of the biggest things that changed in my life when I jumped on the train and accepted the gospel, was that I had a relationship with a God who loves me deeply and is always near. One who listens to my struggles, sees my tears, and knows me better than anyone ever will. Jumping on the train that lead to Jesus, gifted me full access to the presence of God. It is in God’s presence that genuine peace and rest is found.

In His presence, there is fullness of joy.

PSALM 16:11

I have a place I can run to when I am scared, and someone who can bring me joy even in the trials so hard I want to run away. By walking daily with the Lord in prayer and the Word, it points you towards His promises that cannot be shaken: a kind of confidence that cannot be messed with. Life itself did not get any easier, but it’s become a whole lot sweeter because I have my God to help me walk through it.

He knows every single thing on your heart and mind and sent His own Son to take your place on the cross to rescue you… to bring you home. While life before Jesus may feel full of comfort and peace, the truth of the matter is there will always be something more. We were brought into this world with a God-sized hole in our hearts. A hole that can only be filled with a constant flow of grace and love that is found in Him.

There is a Holy God who has offered you a ticket to come home to Him, despite your broken and sinful self. It’s a ticket that anyone who recognizes they have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God has access to. One that has already been paid for by the work of Jesus on the cross. He has freely gifted us a chance to see Him again in Heaven, but the only way you’ll ever be on the road home is if you accept the ticket and believe that Jesus already paid the price. At the end of your life, you’ll be more than grateful you chose to jump on the train over staying home.

On one of my train transfers in between Milan and my hometown, I started walking towards a part of the train I didn’t realize was first-class. This one lady walked up to me after watching me lug my 150 pounds of luggage behind me and said, “Ma’am… this is first class only.” I couldn’t help but laugh, imagining how she deciphered that simply from my appearance. But a beautiful truth about the gospel is that the Lord would never look at you and your baggage and not let you on the train. Our God is one who fully loves and accepts anyone who chooses Him, despite our pasts. Life with Jesus is a precious gift for anyone who wants to accept it.

here’s my hallelujah.

The good, the bad, & everything in between.

" I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds." 
                         - Psalm 9:1 

What’s up fam, friends, and strangers reading this! Welcome to yet another one of my creative outlets. Little Alexa would have never thought she’d be one start a blog, but here we are. I’m nearing the end of my college years, and can truthfully say that I have lead a life thus far that is filled with a handful of crazy weird, crazy fun stories that don’t make sense sometimes, and all I want is more people to laugh about it with me. It’s been a few weeks that I’ve been encouraged by many a friend to do this, so the wheels in the brain have been turning, brainstorming how exactly I wanted to craft this little collection of thoughts. One of the first things that came to mind was the contrast between the few places I have been able to establish an internet presence and the stacks on stacks on stacks of journals I’ve been scribbling in since I was a little girl. Documenting my days both publicly and privately has easily become intertwined in my daily routine. This somewhat stemmed from my thirteen year old self daring herself to be one of those people that started a youtube channel before it was ever remotely socially acceptable because tiny little squares on instagram were simply not doing her memories enough justice. The videography business I recently created also caters towards capturing life on film in its fullness, except filtered through a posture of service. In the same ways that I share highlights on my social media, I want to start inviting others into bits and pieces of my journals, quiet times, and prayers. Because if I’ve learned anything through constantly revisiting my scattered brain dumps, it’s that it leaves me in a posture of worship every single time.

“Cause all that I have is a Hallelujah

Brandon Lake

Just a few of my college journals.

For those of you who may not know me in real life, I am finishing up my last year of studying architecture at the University of Florida, in Northern Italy. My major is something that, most recently, has felt like more of a chore than a joy to me. Which is quite funny, considering the reason my youtube channel gained even the tiniest bit of traction is due to my videos centered around architecture. However, this reality also brings about feelings of defeat, as I try to address my mom’s frustration when she asks what the point of these past four years even was. This past semester specifically, I caught myself complaining about wanting to be finished more than reflecting on how far I’ve come and everything that I have gained from this program. My crazy talented friends Marla and Sydney have reminded me of all of the beauty this degree holds just through their honest passion towards both their grad school applications and the New York skyscraper we spent four months designing. Their genuine celebration of my recent life path change and a visit from an architecture grad turned Army lieutenant as one of our Keynote speakers this fall helped me process how important checking architecture on my UF Preview packet May of 2018 actually was. I could expound on this another time, but a couple of things that I have truly gained from it all are my love for writing and my stubbornness in questioning anything and everything about the way we engage with the world. Studying architecture has equipped me with the ability to put the past four years of my life to words.

I pray that through my lived experiences and lessons learned, you start to slowly piece together why I always say that life with Jesus is beyond worth it. It’s something I can’t exactly give justice to through a simple instagram caption or even over a lunch conversation in the Plaza of the Americas because His grace and goodness are constantly being weaved in and out of my everyday. I can never not be wowed by how God moves in even the little things. It’s a kind of love I never had the eyes to see until I realized the immense lack I would wake up to everyday. I pray that by reading my blog, you start to understand why my faith in God is one of the most important things about me. Before I put my own self in the story of the gospel and really soaked in what Jesus did for someone like me (a wretched soul who did nothing to deserve any of it), I would live my days in ways I deemed sufficient for those 24 hours, but would always walk away not quite satisfied. At that point in my life, I had a pretty strong head knowledge of the gospel from my Christian school I grew up in for half of my life but I never actually wanted it for myself. I didn’t think church or religion was something I would need to actively participate in to feel like I’ve made it in this life. But because I was both curious and stubborn enough to see why people wouldn’t stop talking about this “good good Father,” I found something that was worth questioning and has remained worthy enough to reshape the way I go about my days. What I found four years ago, was life.

“Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.”

matthew 10:39

So the heart behind this blog is this: to throw up even more praises to our beloved Savior. Each semester, my sentimental self always felt compelled to gather a bunch of clips to shower love on the people who meant the world to me those past few months on my youtube channel. I always wondered how I’d cap off my senior year in video form, but found myself hitting a wall. Since I’m about to enter an entirely new chapter of life, I’ve naturally been in major introspective mode. Something that I kept rereading in my journals from this past year was the phrase “for the Kingdom.” Slowly, it hit me that the least I could do at the end of my four years at university is share how much Jesus brought me to this point in my life where I can run towards that charge most genuinely. Sifting through the good AND the bad of 2021, I’m able to walk away finally starting to understand what it feels like to believe that Jesus, alone, is enough. Jireh. He has allowed me to walk through so much in my college career that gives me no other choice but to praise Him. So here’s my end of semester hurrah! It’s a middle ground between the good (my instagram, youtube, vsco, etc…) and the bad (everything I process on paper, in prayer, and at the piano).

It’s the stories that fill up my coffee date conversations and voice memo updates.

It’s the ways God moves in my mundane.

It’s everything in between.